This cannot be how the world was supposed to be can it? If you took humans out of the equation, there would be a relatively harmonious world, getting along with the ebb and flow of natures intention. There would be no intentional cruelty. No abuse from one species of animal to another. There would be no interference with the atmosphere, there would be no deforestation, and the air pollutions levels would be at a natural state. That would be the way the world existed, even with millions of different species of animal on the planet. Add one more species, man, and the whole thing has become a mess, which is spiralling out of control.

I would suggest that many people are not even aware of the extreme cruelty and abuse that is going on everyday, all over the world, simply just to feed some extremely greedy people. It is possible for humans to survive on this planet without causing harm to others, without murdering others, and without destroying the planet. There is one main reason why this does occur, and it is one of the defining differences between the millions of other creatures and ourselves, money. Money drives people to forget their morality and the sense of love and belonging that we are all born with. It drives people to treat other beings, helpless beings, as if they were just an asset and a possession which can be used and treated as we like. People seem to have forgotten that these animals are not very different from ourselves, and they feel pain, suffering, loss, and fear. They are not meat machines, they are sentient beings. A cow is no different from a dog, a cat or a human, so why should we be treating it so differently? Animals are the jewellery which decorate the world, we should love and appreciate them as such.

You won’t believe it but a week or two ago I was full of the joys of the new year. “Bring it on!” I thought. “Go Team 2012! Woo-hoo! New year, new start!” I cheered to myself. Thankfully it only took a day or two to wear off, but luckily it did and I was back to my old cynical self before long. I like to think that brief period of optimism was a inbuilt function of my brain to carry me over the most depressing day of the year (January the 3rd is what most people claim) without imploding.

To celebrate shaking off the Optimism Flu, I thought I’d start off the year blog-wise with a look at the top three things I’m going to hate in 2012. I could complain about stuff happening right now (the stupid indecisive weather, the cost of heating oil if it ever does get cold, my cats insanely expensive tooth problems) but no. I’ve got bigger fish to fry.

Right. Down to brass tacks. Number one – it’s the big one.

1. The 2012 Olympics

Yeah, yeah I know. If you don’t live in London it probably looks like a lovely idea. If you do live in London you’ve probably sub-let your flat for a £1000 a week so you can fund an amazing holiday away from the crowds.

I live in London. I can’t sub-let my flat: no-one would have it. And besides, Crouch End is no where near the Olympic site. But, lucky me, I’ll be working in Central London during the summer. Going to work will be like entering the seventh circle of Hades, only with more sweat, tourists and delayed tube trains. Big woop.

2. The End of the World

So apparently the Mayan calender ends in 2012. Which some people on the internet take to mean the world is ending this year. I take it to mean that the Mayan’s ran out of ink, paper, or interest by the time they got to 2012 which was pretty darn far in the future for them to be even thinking about. I also can’t help thinking that if there is a slim chance those naysayers are right, there’s no point worrying about it. It’s the end of the world, right, not the supermarket running out of milk. You can’t stockpile for this one.

3. Slow Walkers

I know it’s not exactly 2012 specific, but this one gets me every time. And I can guarantee that when I’m running out for my lunch break come Olympic time, the centre of London is going to a world full of slow walkers, strollers, perambulators, window shoppers… Bah humbug, 2012!

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There was a TV programme when I was a kid (and I’m showing my age here) called “Why Don’t You?” and was basically aimed at moaning minnies like me. The basic premise was that you should stop moping around the house feeling bored when there was lots of stuff you could be doing out in the big wide world. The fact that they seemed to have unlimited access to art materials for their big posters and a steady stream of helpful adults to drive them to interesting and entertaining places was neither here nor there, apparently. It wasn’t my cup of tea and since then any sentence starting with the words “why don’t you…” has brought me out in a cold sweat.

Until the other day. I was meeting a friend for coffee and before she’d taken her first sip of latte I was starting on some rant about the book I was reading – or more accurately had started to read only to give up half way through. Luckily, this was an old friend who knew me well and had put up with my monologues on many occasions. However, this time something seemed to snap. “Well, if all books are so crap,” she said, “why don’t you have a go at writing one yourself?”

That stopped me dead in my tracks. Write a book. How hard can that be? It almost seemed like fate when a colleague then mentioned that ’National Novel Writing Month'is coming up in November. During NaNoWriMo (to give the event its proper name) people all over the world set themselves the target of writing a 50,000 word novel in just 30 days. Sounds impossible, right? But that’s just the kind of challenge I relish. After all, if I make it I can moan about how easy it was and if I don’t no-one is going to begrudge me a couple of whines about how impossible it is to write a novel in a month!

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To me it just seems to be a lot of people shouting LOOK AT ME! until someone does

But that’s not to say I love ALL art. No. That is most certainly NOT true…

Because let’s be honest, somewhere along the way real art and this fake art that we see today got mixed up and became a messy perversion of itself!

Now, please, let me clarify: I am not talking about much of the ingenious stuff housed inside the Tate Modern. Nor am I talking about abstract work which possesses real meaning and love. I am talking, instead, about all the fake ’concept'art that is out there. To me it just seems to be a lot of people shouting LOOK AT ME! until someone does. That’s not art. It’s merely people vying for other peoples'attention.

Which is not how art used to be…

Art, back in the days before photography, was about capturing a moment: get it down before it vanishes. About recreating a mood which would otherwise be lost forever. Yes all the faces looked the same and that wasn’t exactly great, but the colours and the compositions of many oil paintings were incredible and still hold up today as some of the best ever. And the magic hasn’t dissipated – in some ways, it’s actually become more magical. Now more than ever access to look at paintings of this stature is better than ever. Wander around the National Portrait Gallery and see that I am right!

Will art ever return to the way it was? Doubtful. Extremely doubtful and about as likely as going back in time to when Shell-Suits were all the rage. But in many ways that doesn’t matter. There will always be a select hardcore of quality artists out there, doing it because they love it, irrelevant of the money.

And that, my friend, is what I think we ought to hold onto for as long as we can, no matter how many people try and convince us that ’progress'is better.

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TV is incredible. I am sick of people moaning about how terrible and awful it is, and so I am bucking the trend here – as is obvious – by having a good rant, firstly, about how amazingly wonderful it is.

And it is. Wonderful, I mean.

To appreciate just how wonderful, you really need to think and un-do everything you know about TV.

Imagine we live in a world where TV was never invented. There was never the rush to get home for Eastenders…

would you have wanted to be born pre TV? When disease ravaged the earth and left each and every one of us in a right old state?

…and there was never the need to remember to tape Grand Designs. In fact, that corner of the room we all stare into? It was filled with nothing. And in fact we wouldn’t even notice it’s lack of anything, because it was never full in the first place!

Seriously, TV is great: anything you want to watch – from babes prancing about to gardening or documentaries on Space travel – is there at the touch of a button. It’s all so simple, so impossibly simple…

And now, for some bizarre reason, people say it is bad. That having the TV is a curse. That the TV is stopping people from getting exercise. That we are a generation of so-called ’couch potatoes'that can’t be bothered to do anything if it involves actually getting up off our butts…

I say WAKE UP and understand just what TV is all about, and how beneficial it can be to so many different kinds of people. I say, would you have wanted to be born pre TV? When disease ravaged the earth and left each and every one of us in a right old state? I think not, somehow. In fact, I highly doubt that anyone, given the choice, would want to live in that time.

And take shows like Embarrassing Bodies, for example. Not only is it great to laugh at people with hideous conditions – I know it’s wrong, but are you honestly telling me you don’t? – but it’s highly educational. And one great thing about always being connected to the box is that you always know what is going on in the world. A blessing if ever there was one, right?

For now I am off to visit a website – http://www.theoldbridgehousehotel.co.uk/en/webcam , to be precise – but I do hope that if you’re a TV hater you will start re-thinking your hatred of TV. After all, there isn’t anything you can’t learn from it!

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Now I’m the first person to admit that I like my creature comforts as much as the next bloke, but I don’t expect to have to pay through the nose for basic things such as heating and electricity. I already pay more tax and national insurance then is healthy and now I’m expected to bleed myself dry just to keep my home heated and powered! I wouldn’t mind so much if it weren’t for the fact that I know the profit margins the energy companies have. Why should I have to pay for some oil baron’s mansion and Tropical Island in the Caribbean?

I’m seriously considering applying for a job within the energy industry. At least then I should be able to get a discount on my bills. I’m still thinking about converting my car to diesel or to just trade in and get a diesel fuelled vehicle. Red Diesel Essex is able to offer me much cheaper rates on fuel then any other provider I can find. It’s just a shame that the majority of their fuel goes for home use and farming. That said, maybe I can get a job with their group and see if they can do something about my car as well.

Moaning is an essential part of my life and I make no apology for criticising the cost of my energy bills. After all, I know everyone else is a critic in some shape or form.

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Do you know what I hate more then anything? Well actually I hate a lot of things and love to grumble as regular readers of my blog will know. But what I hate more then anything else in the world is how much petrol and diesel prices have gone up in the past ten years!

I went to a garage to fill up the other day and paid well over the odds to get the tank just half full! My car is supposed to be the most fuel efficient on the road! Well it may be the most fuel efficient car since the petrol engine was invented, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m getting ripped off at the pumps! My friend Gary said I should switch to a diesel car as the fuel is a lot cheaper. Dirtier maybe, but cheaper definitely! I’m seriously thinking about it. He also recommended I get a car that took ‘red diesel’. I didn’t know what that was but apparently you get great tax breaks if you’re vehicle runs on it. The only problem is I looked it up and discovered it’s mainly used in agricultural vehicles like tractors. However it’s also used in boats. As another friend of mine owns a boat I’m going to ask him if he knows a good red diesel supplier as I’m seriously considering converting my car to take advantage of the tax break.

I hate how much it costs to top up at the pumps now!

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And now, if I may be so bold, I shall demonstrate why.

1) Reviews of books and movies are the only thing standing between you and wasted money. Without them we’d all be a lot more unhappy, and Amazon would probably go bust…

2) Reviews mean that you can book into the right hotel for you. And also you don’t end up on one of those holidays from hell programmes. Even better if you ask me.

3) Being negative in a restaurant is sometimes absolutely essential. They need to know they’re not providing a top-class service, don’t they? Being told they need to buck up their ideas means that food improves, wine gets better, and customers are all the happier.

4) It’s good for venting. Release some negativity about something awful, then let some good vibes in. You’ll be buying a new Caroline Shotton painting before you know it. Which will cheer you up.

5) I know, I know, don’t worry, I’m not even going to charge you for all this great advice!

6) Bad governments fall, dictators end up in prison, and the world gets a better deal of it. Poverty also falls because all that money is freed up which was previously being nabbed by the evil dictators.

7) More people moan than not, if you ask me, so be happy you’re in the majority!

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I’ve loved Lily Allen ever since she burst onto the pop scene, teasing the world with her captivatingly naughty lyrics and refreshingly honest take on life. The fact that the girl don’t care makes me smile, yet watching her new documentary series – From Riches To Rags on Channel 4 – I can’t help myself feeling slightly saddened at her attitude. And when I say attitude I don’t mean that in a negative way, because from what I can see she has a good take on life – it’s more her attitude to business matters that concerns me.

As you will know if you’ve seen episodes 1 and 2, Lily Allen might be a great singer but when it comes to working out a business plan and how to spend money, she needs a lot of help. Fortunately for her she has her half-sister to help her, so all is not lost. But watching the drama unfold – as it gets closer to the big day of the duo opening their own boutique clothing store – you can’t help but feel like you want to dive behind the sofa. Or better still, into the TV and give her a damn good shake. “Wake up Lily!” you want to say, “this is not a joke!”

And it really isn’t. Yes she’s rich and yes she has millions of adoring fans (fans who would probably pay for the letters r4i if Lilly was to write them in her own excrement, I’m sure), but it wouldn’t take too much of a hitch to put a dent in her rather loving fan-base.

Here’s hoping that the girls get it sorted and that the numbers come out as well as Lily’s recent awards.

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If you were a bank manager and Lily Allen came into your high-street branch of Barclays, and Lilly Allen – on this occasion – was just any girl, how would this business plan sound: vintage clothing for women who can’t afford the really expensive supermodel clothes, run by me, sourced by me, everything, in fact, by me and my sister Sarah. Yes, my sister who I hated for years. Would that sound good? You’d probably put the sister-hating thing aside, what with being a numbers man or woman, and want to know about finances and experience first, before you really considered lending money.

But wait a minute, there is no money…and wait an even longer minute: there’s even less experience.

This wasn’t quite the situation at the start of the Lily Allen documentary last night (part 1 of 3), but it was close. With Lily bank-rolling the venture it was looking good. Then we learned that actually, between them they know precisely nothing about retail. Worse still, Lily is deluded about what money really is, what with being so rich, and her sister Sarah spent the last 10 years in a self-confessed party vacuum.

Suddenly, me and my friend Paul Kenton are thinking that maybe giving up music wasn’t the brightest move Lily Allen ever made…

Who knows how it’ll turn out. Obviously it wasn’t a miserable failure, seeing as the store is still open and seemingly doing well, but it will be intriguing to see how the girls get along in parts 2 and 3 when the going really gets tough.

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